yikes!

i wonder if anyone has been so mad that they cant think straight... hmm why does God decide to put me in such horrible situations. one day i think i am over him and the next i am so uncontrollably sad i want to die.. i feel death would be so much easier but will God take me away no and i have no idea why i beg and plead and yet i wake up each morning so morbidly depressed that i am not in heaven having a way better time.
i wonder how he feels if he beats him self up, i swear he doesnt have a heart because if he did he wouldnt have done this
i hope too and this sounds so mean but i hope he never gets married why is that because the girl that he would marry would be miserable till the day she either quit or died
i will be honest i have a regret in life that was meeting him and falling for him. sad i know but true one day this might change and i will be swept off my feet and will forget he ever existed at least i hope that happens one day
another truth: i wanted to end it to i was absolutely miserable but i prayed about it and chose no to because God can conquer all and would turn us around to become the people he wants us to be well mr tantraphol thought something else he thought there were better fish in the sea well he will be sadly mistaken cause no women will be able to give him what i gave him and i dont just mean my virginity
if he thinks i am only an ex girlfriend thats another sad mistake i am basically an ex wife the only thing we didnt have was a license
no my worry will be is when God does bring me my husband what do i tell him?

life goes on so when will mine?

i maybe rude and mean by writing and feeling this but i dont care one bit call me a bitch call me whatever but i do feel this way

Life and its changes

42 DAYS crazy huh life changed a lot when he chose to not be with me but hey whats the deal do i get sad yeah its strange not having that other half around... but now i have my Savior there with me, he protects me and comforts me in a way no man can. i feel like this was the right thing.. am i bitter a little do i want his stuff out of my house yes! but im not giving it back until he gives me back what i deserve.
i hope God is working through him the way he is in me. i dont live with regrets but i do regret letting Satan in a breaking up what God put together. i hope that through all of this we become better servants for Christ.

a new day and new chapter

well what can i say i havent been on this in forever now i have time.....
i think life is one big roller coaster up and down up and down
i am no longer engaged, thats new i wont have a may wedding and i wont have the last name tantraphol and i wont be moving out..this is a gigantic roller coaster
if i could think of one thing it is to apologize to all my friends for pushing them away all because some boy promised me forever and only gave me a ring and a crash landing.
hmmm when you get engaged doesnt that mean work through problems nope i guess not.... i was willing but he wasnt is that a normal thing? because i didnt think it was
i have a cute little dog now that i love and friends that are back
at least i know apologies are worth giving to some