yikes!

i wonder if anyone has been so mad that they cant think straight... hmm why does God decide to put me in such horrible situations. one day i think i am over him and the next i am so uncontrollably sad i want to die.. i feel death would be so much easier but will God take me away no and i have no idea why i beg and plead and yet i wake up each morning so morbidly depressed that i am not in heaven having a way better time.
i wonder how he feels if he beats him self up, i swear he doesnt have a heart because if he did he wouldnt have done this
i hope too and this sounds so mean but i hope he never gets married why is that because the girl that he would marry would be miserable till the day she either quit or died
i will be honest i have a regret in life that was meeting him and falling for him. sad i know but true one day this might change and i will be swept off my feet and will forget he ever existed at least i hope that happens one day
another truth: i wanted to end it to i was absolutely miserable but i prayed about it and chose no to because God can conquer all and would turn us around to become the people he wants us to be well mr tantraphol thought something else he thought there were better fish in the sea well he will be sadly mistaken cause no women will be able to give him what i gave him and i dont just mean my virginity
if he thinks i am only an ex girlfriend thats another sad mistake i am basically an ex wife the only thing we didnt have was a license
no my worry will be is when God does bring me my husband what do i tell him?

life goes on so when will mine?

i maybe rude and mean by writing and feeling this but i dont care one bit call me a bitch call me whatever but i do feel this way